5 Pro Tips for Fat Yoga (Yes. It’s a real thing.)

Being overweight, I struggle with balance. I also have that thing going on where I stand up and my whole body has to sort of creak around a little bit before I can really move. (Is that because I’m in my 50s, because I’m heavy, or a combination of both? I don’t know.) I’m like the tin man from The Wizard of Oz. I’m just stiff.

Enter yoga. I love it. If I do yoga three times a week, I feel less creaky and better balanced. I breathe better, sleep better, and poop better. (Yep. I said it.)

This didn’t happen easily. The first time I went to The Yoga Studio, I sat in my car and watched everyone go in, then went home. I needed to know what they were wearing, what they brought to class, what they looked like. When I did go in, I wanted to look “right.”

Of course, no one heading into that yoga studio looked like me. They were all thin, with Ugg boots that didn’t make their calves look like tree trunks, in cute little yoga pants and tops. They looked like Gwyneth Paltrow. None of them were walking in with their hair in their face, eating a cupcake.

Pro Tip #1: Wear Yoga Clothes

So, you don’t have to wear yoga clothes to yoga class. But I highly recommend it. Yoga pants and tops sort of cling to your body so you can move around the mat well.

The issue is this: Pus sized yoga clothing is slim pickins.

The number one sought after yoga wear line is Lululemon. It’s super pricey. Super chic. High quality. They have great customer service. Excited? Well, don’t be. They don’t sell plus sizes. About a year ago they expanded to “include a larger woman,” so now they go up to size 14. Size 14? That’s not a larger woman. I have a place for you to shove that yoga mat, Lululemon.

Athleta carries plus sized yoga clothing that’s really cute and well-priced. There’s an Athleta store in my nearby mall. I walked in, and was met at the door by a pretty darned perky sales girl.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes. I’d like to see your plus sized yoga clothing.”

“Oh. Hmm. We don’t sell that IN the store. But we do have it online.”

Then… She backed away slowly, with that frozen smile on her face. Like my fat was contagious.

Perky salesgirls aside, Athleta has a great selection of plus sized yoga wear on their website, with actual plus sized models wearing them so you can see what it looks like on someone with a body type that doesn’t resemble a string bean.

But I wanted to touch the clothing and try it on. So I went where we all go. Lane Bryant. Now, Lane Bryant stores don’t carry a wide variety of yoga wear all the time. But they have tons of it after the first of the year, when everyone’s New Year’s resolutions are to get to the gym and look like Angelina Jolie by the first of February. The prices are decent, the fit is good, and they last. You really can’t go wrong.

Are you on a budget? You know who has really awesome plus sized yoga wear at a good price. WalMart. For real. And most of them are in the store for you to try on.

So what should you buy? You need three things:

  1. A comfortable sports bra. I prefer a racer back.
  2. Yoga pants. I like capris.
  3. A yoga top that’s fitted at the top and little bit flowy at the bottom. Bonus points if it is long enough to cover the top of my butt.

But here’s the thing. If you don’t have the money, the time, or the need to purchase yoga clothes, throw on a pair of shorts or jogging pants, a tee shirt, and GO. Depending on the studio, there will be others dressed exactly like that. (I take some classes at the local Parks and Recreation center, and there are plenty of people in leggings and a tee shirt or tank top.) Don’t stress it. You know why? Because…

Pro Tip #2: Be ready for everyone to be really kind to you.

So, I went out and purchased a pair of yoga pants and a yoga top, and I went back. This time I went inside. I have to tell you. The instructor was SO KIND TO ME. Everyone was just so nice. And accepting. It was weird.

Yoga is about you. It’s about being a little more flexible, a little more comfortable than you were last week. It’s not about the skinny person next to you, doing a handstand, with her perfect hair and her perfect damned downward dog. Screw her. It’s about you. It’s about going a little deeper into that pigeon pose than you did before and about your forehead finally touching the mat without a block in a child’s pose. And everyone gets that. It’s not a place of judgement. It’s not Red Rover on the playground in the 6th grade when they picked you first because they knew you’d never be able to break through their hands. (Meanies.)

Pro Tip #3: Don’t think they won’t know it’s your first time. They will.

A yoga class is not one of those things where you can walk in, go to the back, and fake your way through. The instructor will know you’re new, because you won’t know the poses. And if he/she is any good, they’ll call you out. (I know. Yikes.) They’ll walk by you and adjust your poses, give you alternatives when needed, and cheer you on. After class, they’ll probably tell you what a great job you did, and they hope you come back. Is it embarrassing? A little. But that’s honestly on you. No one else gives a crap that a new, fat girl is in their class.

Pro Tip #4: The instructor makes all the difference.

You’ll find that different instructors make for an entirely different experience. One may go a little slower, another may blare loud rock music, while another puts essential oil on your forehead at the end of class while wishing you kisses from fairies. Shop around until you find someone you like.

About a year ago, my life became really busy with work and the kids. I took a Thursday class that I normally didn’t attend because my schedule was all wonky. As I pulled into the parking lot, there was a huge line of women outside.

I thought, “Is there a fire? What’s going on?” I got out of the car, grabbed my mat, and walked up to the studio. No fire. These women were in standing in line to go in. Wow. This must be SOME CLASS.

I go into the studio and unroll my mat. There were so many people, we were almost touching. What the heck is going on?

Then I saw him. HIM. He was a 20-something guy with long hair, pulled back in a man bun, and muscles to Memphis. He walked in, smiled at each of us as he made his way to thr front of the room, smelling sweaty and delicious at the same time. Oh. Now I understand.

Was it the best yoga class I’ve ever taken? No. He was good. But not FANTASTIC. But something about him made women bring their milkshakes to this yard.

So, see? The instructor makes all the difference. For lots of reasons.

Pro Tip #5: Use the props!

Props are your friends. Will everyone use them? Nope. But a block and a strap make everything just a little easier. You’ll stretch a little further, and your body will just say, “Aaaaahhhh.” If you have an instructor who discourages the use of props, you need a different instructor.

Pro Tip #6: Do what feels good to you

Yoga is not a “no pain, no gain” type of practice. If it hurts, you probably shouldn’t do it. But “hurt” does not mean uncomfortable. There are TONS of stretches and poses that are uncomfortable. My rule of thumb is, if I can breathe easily, okay. If I’m holding my breath and gnashing my teeth, probably not okay.

One of the yoga classes I took in the beginning, I met a guy named Larry. Larry would come into the class, do the first flow, then lay down on his back on the mat for the rest of the class. Occasionally I would hear him snoring. No kidding. But at the end of the class, he’d roll up his mat, high five the instructor, and come back the next week. Do what you can, and if you feel overwhelmed, be a Larry and lay on the mat.

Pro Tip #7: Just stay home

I’m writing this during the quarantine, so this has never been more true. There are TONS of online yoga classes that are fantastic. I love Anna Guest-Jelly’s Curvy Yoga Series. (Yes. Her last name is Jelly. Mmmmm. Jelly.) You can find two of her videos HERE with a 15 day free trial.

Wear what you want. Or wear nothing. Have a mat. Or don’t. Heck. Lay in bed eating oreos and just watch the video the first few times if that’s what you need to do.

Challenge: Try it three times

I found that, after about three classes, I felt more confident. I knew the poses. I could get through a flow. I was perfectly comfortable going into child’s pose or just laying on my mat if that’s what I needed.

And getting up off the couch was a little easier. Standing up from a chair after being seated for a while didn’t require as much of a warm up. Things were better.

Namaste.

Four Steps to Moisturizing for Women over 50. (And it doesn’t cost hundreds of dollars.)

It’s day number I-don’t-even-know-what of the quarantine, and I feel like washing my hands every three minutes is equal to cleanliness. I shower kinda sorta daily, and I’m washing my hair when the dry shampoo starts flaking onto my laptop.

One thing I am NOT doing is wearing makeup. I mean, why? I’ve also traded in my pricey, beloved Ambre oil for all the perfume samples I’ve been keeping in a bag in the closet. I mean, the boys don’t care what I smell like, for sure.

But. I feel like I need to continue my moisturizing regime. I love when people tell me they can’t believe I’m in my fifties. (Although I truly believe it’s because I’m plump. The fat in my face does wonders for wrinkles and fine lines. That’s the silver lining all us BBW share.)

So what do I use? Well, it’s a combination of drugstore purchases, online products, and things I just sort of fell into.

Step One: On a clean face, I apply Melaleuca’s Timeless Age-Defying Serum. I really love it. I love a ton of Melaleuca products, but this is one of my favorites. (I ran out a couple of months ago and could seriously tell a difference almost instantly.) I just a really large pea sized amount each morning. It’s $25 if you’re a Melaleuca member and about $39 on Amazon.

Melaleuca Sei Bella Timeless Age Defying Serum $25 at melaleuca.com. You need a membership to purchase.

Step Two: Grandma Jane used to always tell me how much she hated her neck. When we shopped for her, we could never buy her anything that had a v-neck or anything that scooped even a little. So, a couple of summers ago, when my friend, Evelyn, said she had found a great neck and chest cream that had made a world of difference, I paid attention. I really didn’t have the money to invest in another cream. But guess what? This stuff lasts forever and is $9.50 at Target! (Whaaa?) Gold Bond Neck and Chest Cream is the bomb diggity.

Gold Bond, Neck and Chest Cream $9.49 at Target.com

Step Three: I have a ton of red in my face. Spicey food, caffeine, and booze makes it worse. I could never be a closet alcoholic. It would LITERALLY show all over my face every time I went on a binge. Clinique, Cetaphil, Kiehl, Dr. Weil–they all have red reducing moisturizers, and I’ve tried them all. I LOVE that the one that works best for me is purchased at my local CVS. Aveeno Ultra-Calming Daily Facial Moisturizer smells good, has an SPF of 15, goes on smoothly, and is priced perfectly at about $20.

Step Four: Eye cream. Evelyn gives me eye cream samples all the time, so I’ve used Lancome, Clinique, E.L.F., No. 7…. The list goes on and on. I can honestly tell you I’ve never noticed a huge difference between any of them. Then, a Facebook ad (I know… I know…) popped up for Pure Biology Total Eye. The reviews were good and looked pretty real, so I bought it. You all–I love this stuff. It goes on smooth, doesn’t dry out into the lines around my eye, and I promise you it has made my laugh lines a thousand times better. You should try it. It has over 3,000 five star ratings on Amazon and can be purchased for around $32.

So, that’s it for me during quarantine. I’m moisturizing so I don’t come out the other end looking like a cactus. How are you taking care of your skin during quarantine?